27 Aug Ramblings from a reluctant morning person

I miss sleeping in. I write these words as I adjust to a new schedule, well, it’s actually kind of an old schedule, but I’ll get to that. I woke up at 5:50 am this morning. I haven’t really slept past 7:30 am in three years, but 5:50, in case you haven’t been up that early in a while is, yes, early.

I think, at one point in my life, maybe in the 90s when I was a teenager, or in my early 20s when the end of the night was actually the morning, I slept in. I believe this to be true. I remember walking up when the sun was high in the sky and it seemed like the world outside had been up and productive for many hours before I navigated the hallways of the shared housing I lived in. Often I’d listen for quiet outside my bedroom door hoping to escape an awkward and embarrassing moment with a roommate. My make up from last night smeared across my face, looking a little bit like Heath Ledger’s Joker. From the bathroom while I scrapped the mascara from my cheeks I’d text friends to coordinate brunch.

Brunch is often too late for me now. I’m hungry for lunch by the time the appropriate brunch hour arrives. If I am going for brunch I need to pre-caffeinate and even eat a snack so I’m not grouchy and hangry when I show up.

I’m a morning person. This realization came to me in my 30s. I like mornings because my brain works differently then. It’s fresh and hasn’t become weighed down by the day. It’s a little bit weird, which makes for some of my best writing. I also like mornings because I often have them to myself. I get to stand it the kitchen, slippers providing a barrier between my feet and the cold floor, waiting for the kettle boil. I scroll through Instagram. I watch the sky change colours and listen to the hum of the mill still audible behind the kettle. My husband sleeps and I start my day.

I miss sleeping in in concept more than reality I think I miss the idea of getting more sleep, and feeling rested. I don’t know that I’ve felt that in a very long time. I could blame it on the pandemic, but really I’ve been in a battle for sleep and restfulness for a long time.

I started waking up at 5:50 am again because I need more time. It was my answer to the statement “there’s just not enough hours in the day.” I woke up at 5:50 am for two years through my MFA. I wrote from 6 to 8 am before getting ready for work. This schedule worked for me and I think I wrote some pretty good words then. So here I am, awake, again at 5:50 am, and today, I wish I could sleep in, but the morning person in me, is pretty happy to have time to myself.