Cookies for uncertain times

Tears started gathering along my eyelids this morning as I wiped cookie dough off wooden spoons and spatulas in the kitchen sink. A batch of double chocolate cookies are chilling in the fridge. I’m tired. I didn’t sleep well. My mind a mix of anxiety, fear and deep sadness, that, if I’m honest, has been stewing there for months (maybe even the past year).

The past two weeks have felt harder and now we’ve reached the point where thousands of people have turned up to protest at hospitals; women, trans, non-binary and gender expansive folks have lost the right to make choices over the health and autonomy of their bodies; and the future of women and children in Afghanistan (along with a number of places that never make the news) is uncertain. And this is only the news this week.

My heart is heavy and my mind is tangled like steel wool. I feel helpless and lost and angry. Screaming into a pillow would feel great about now, and I might do that later, but as a balm, this morning when I got back from a walk around the neighbourhood, I made cookies. I know this doesn’t solve the world’s problems. I know it won’t help people be kind and respectful. I know it won’t bring reason to a world that seems unreasonable, but cookies (well, baking and cooking) bring me back to myself. It’s a small thing that feels within my control when so much feels out of control. And tonight I’ll bring my double chocolate cookies to the class I’m teaching and I’ll share them with the group. I will share a bit of joy through food with them. They will smile (I hope) and lick their lips. And maybe for a second those cookies will act as a balm for them too. A small escape from an uncertain world.

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